Tag:Dallas Cowboys
Posted on: January 28, 2010 10:06 am
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The NFL vs. Jersey Shore

There’s no arguing that the two best places for drama this year were this year’s NFL season and MTV’s ode to life as a young Italian American “Jersey Shore ”. After saturating myself with both for the last several months, I’ve noticed a few parallels between some of the NFL teams and several of the “Jersey Shore” cast members.

Mike “The Situation” & The New Orleans Saints.
Just as the prince of Staten Island bagged more Jersey Shore skanks than Vinnie, Ronnie, and Pauly D combined, the Saints were far and away the highest scoring team in NFL this year. They scored fast, they scored at will, and sometimes they scored ugly. Despite their 13-3 regular season record, some of their conquests (St. Louis and Washington) were just as hideous as some of the late-night grenades the Situation bedded on those nights when he was just looking for a place to put it.

Jenni “Jwow” & The New York Jets. Just as the Jets had the best defense in the league, Jwow easily had the best body on the show. But just like Jwow, the head of the Jets was a brown-bagger. Mark Sanchez during the regular season had a 63.0 QB rating and was 2nd worst in the league in interceptions only behind Jay Cutler. Yet the Jets somehow found a way to the AFC championships, just like a butterface chick with implants can somehow hook up with a champ like Pauly D every once in a while.

DJ Pauly D & The Indianapolis Colts. No matter how many points behind the Colts were in any game this season, if Peyton Manning playing, there was no doubt that they were probably going to come back and win it. Just like you knew that any time DJ Pauly Delvecchio was behind the ones-and-twos, there was no doubt that you were most definitely going to see the ladies’ panties drop.

The dude at the bar that punched snookie in the face & The Minnesota Vikings. Face it…that 3 second clip of roid-boy punching Snooki in the gob was the ultimate “holy crap” TV moment of the year, and the reason half of us tuned in to Jersey Shore in the first place. This guy was a gigantic a-hole. He’s was a horrible human being who was only thinking of himself with no regard to the people around him. He obviously has battled with alcohol and/or substance abuse problems. He ended his time on television doing something so stupid that even a lobotomized chimp would have known it was an awful idea. That final televised moment was one of the worst decisions of his life…and one that will haunt him for the rest of his days.

Just like Brett Favre.

Snooki & The Dallas Cowboys.
Not only did the Cowboys get punched in the face by the Vikings in the divisional round of the playoffs, but lets face it…Snookie ain’t getting any lighter. She’s one of those chicks that looks like she’s about two years away from “I’m eatin’”. Which brings us to the potential upcoming uncapped year where there is no doubt that Jerry Jones will cause the Cowboys payroll to become more bloated than our lil’ Snickers after a beer and fries binge.

Angelina & The San Diego Chargers.
Left the show way earlier than expected, and much like the Chargers performance against the Jets, refused to show up to work. She was also the biggest bitch on the show, much like Phillip Rivers is the biggest bitch in the NFL.

Vinnie & The Baltimore Ravens. The least interesting cast member meets the least worthy team to make it to the divisional playoffs. You knew he was boring when half of his reunion show footage was the host asking him if he still lived at home. Years from now, no one will remember Vinnie, just as no one will remember the Ravens in the playoffs. Unless of course you’re…

The New England Patriots & Italian Americans. According to the media, there was no bigger loser this year resulting from the success of Jersey Shore than Italian Americans. Many people said the show tarnished the reputation of this proud group of individuals. Speaking of tarnished reputations…how ‘bout them Patriots? Where the Patriots in 2007 used to be feared like a punch to the jaw from Ronnie (“One punch, kid!), now with in-fighting, injuries, and questionable play-calling by the once unquestionable Bill Belichick, their pristine reputation is almost as soiled as the filter in the Jersey Shore house hot-tub.

 
 
 
 
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